Hit me you cant hurt me, [entries|friends|calendar] Porcelain [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

(get some) [01 Oct 2009|11:57pm] [ mood | moody ] I feel empty and alone.

(get some) [08 Sep 2009|10:46pm] [ mood | awake ] Going to bed. Trying to, anyway. Getting up early as hell for a class I'm starting to resent, just a little bit.

(1. | get some) [06 Sep 2009|12:09pm] [ mood | excited ] http://simmerdownow.blogspot.com/ Who has one of those? Someone PLEASE tell me how the fuck to navigate around that damn site. How do I find you? Hellppppp. :(

(get some) [04 Sep 2009|08:54am] Oh yeah, school. I have school at 11 and I'm still awake by 8. Not cool. LA is on fire again, which is completely unsurprising but somewhat of a pain nonetheless. Roads get blocked, people freak out, and the air is just TERRIBLE. I have Photog today, and I'd be excited but I can't get pictures off of my camera. Awesome.

(get some) [04 Sep 2009|08:51am] Someone egged my house badly last night. I'd say it was Angela Fuckherman, but she's in college (hah) or Karima. I actually don't know where Karima is so I'll check that out. Otherwise it's the hobbits Dylan Boken and Andrew Scott again. Either way, It's annoying.

(get some) p [01 Sep 2009|09:02am] ugh 7:00 AM

(7. | get some) [31 Aug 2009|11:54am] I'm so excited! My class is awesome- the teacher is an uber-feminist who sounds like a hardass, and I love it. I expect plenty of essays and lots of debates. I also made a friend, he has very gappy teeth and I love them as well. So far, so good!

(get some) [31 Aug 2009|06:39am] [ mood | sleepy ] First day of school. First day of actually going to a school in what, 3 years? 8 AM FUCKING CLASS. Great. At least it's English.

(1. | get some) [29 Aug 2009|12:16am] [ mood | sleepy ] It's unbearably hot and dry in Los Angeles and I spent two hours in line today waiting to get a fucking I.D. Josh is back in town, though, thank god for that. I forgot how comforting it is to be with him. We jumped in his pool today in sweaty desperation to escape this fucking heat. The pool is about 50 degrees, so it was almost immediately too cold, but too hot to get out. Still, it was a nice change. My friends have gotten themselves together and are no longer being assholes, which is nice. I have 3 textbooks to read by Monday so I guess I should get started. Technically I don't have to read any of them as of now but hey, why not? This is a turnaround, thank god. I made so many appointments today.

(get some) [21 Aug 2009|11:14pm] [ mood | giddy ] Heheheheheheh. I called in a noise complaint on my asshole neighbors. You know, the ones who called in a noise complaint when I was sitting alone on my doorstep crying because my friend and grandfather died? Yeah, those guys. This should be funny.

(get some) [19 Aug 2009|11:34pm] Josh comes back in a week, so I'm extremely excited about that. But I feel strange right now. Can't describe it.

(get some) [18 Aug 2009|12:51pm] [ mood | content ] Kris is nothing if not unreliable, but manages to cheer me up in a big way in spite of that. He texted me at 1 AM and shortly afterward I heard tapping on my window. I guess he assumed I was sleeping, forgetting that I don't usually sleep. Ever. So we ended up on the balcony, smoking cigarettes and talking until 3 AM. It was great, we navigated down my potential career paths (one of two- be a Psychologist or an English Professor) and came up with some great ideas, talked about politics and our friends and high school, etc. It was really great, really really great. Seeing Kris is always great. Especially when I manage to do it without sleeping with him. Which reminds me, I just won a bet!

(get some) [17 Aug 2009|12:49am] I'm sick of everything and everyone around me. Nobody cares, and my friends are dicks. Everyone is associating with people who were inexcusably horrible to me as if it never happened. If you actually gave two shits about me you wouldn't associate with these FUCKERS who not only tried to ruin my life but hurt me repeatedly. They aren't real fucking friends. For fuck's sake I'm alone as I used to be. Josh really needs to come back. NOW. In other news, I have officially used the word "whale" in a song and it didn't sound ridiculous. I'm proud of myself.

(get some) [16 Aug 2009|01:36pm] [ mood | cheerful ] It's amazing the difference two digits can make. It's such a small jump from 19 to 20, but it's so fucking huge. Twenty doesn't end in the suffix "teen", which just... absolutely terrifies me. There goes my biggest excuse. Why'd I trash the house when my mom was away? I'm a teenager! Why did I date the clearly no-good exboyfriend who ended up being stupid and abusive? I'm a teenager! Why do I still not have a license? Scared teenager with seizures! But if you trash the house when you're twenty, you clean it up and deal with it. If you date the abusive asshole, nobody has any sympathy. If you don't have a license, you're a bum- life threatening seizure disorder or not. Fuck me, I think I'm an adult. Well, I have a few months' slack, but it's gettin' close...

(get some) [15 Aug 2009|11:08pm] [ mood | hopeful ] Anyone else want to pray with me that Josh can come back on the 20th? PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE. I need him back, I need to jump into his arms and kiss him. I fucking miss him.

(get some) [14 Aug 2009|12:52am] I'm kind of in a weird place. I'm a little miserable, a little hopeful, and a little bit sad. I'm thinking about Nick. I'm thinking about Josh. I'm thinking about the past, and the future. I'm scared. I'm starting school, and I'm actually worried it'll either be too difficult or not challenging enough. I don't know. I think I'm going to get bangs.

(get some) [13 Aug 2009|12:19am] Fuck, I miss Josh. I miss Josh so much, so goddamn painfully. I love him so much.

(get some) [11 Aug 2009|02:06am] I'm going to try to quit smoking. Starting now. I'm cutting down to 1 pack a week. From there I'll cut down more. My grandpa's last request was for me to quit smoking. Nick wanted me to quit so badly. I owe them this. I owe myself this. I'm going to try to quit!

(get some) [07 Aug 2009|01:01pm] It's so hot it even smells like Summer. I have nobody to enjoy it with which is sad, but I do indulge in a nice wallow every few months, and I guess this is going to be one of those times. I should have taken my camera last night. Mandy's family made me come to dinner with them for Mandy's birthday, and I'm damn glad I went. It was at the Lowes (how do you spell that??) Hotel in Santa Monica, and we were suspended on a patio whose walls and ceiling were made entirely of glass. You could see the entire city, and the sun was setting right in front of us. It was abso-fucking-lutely GORGEOUS. Mandy and I took multiple smoke breaks and went across the hotel lobby to where the lounge area was- complete with a giant pool and jacuzzi and the coolest modern chairs I've ever seen. We've decided when I turn 20 we're renting a room there (yeah right, who has that kind of money?) and throwing a party. Our waitress was a bitch. First, when Mandy's dad ordered wine for himself and Mandy's mom, she insisted Mandy and I show her our IDs even though we weren't drinking. Then she assumed the whole family was visiting directly from Iran even though they all speak perfect English and made a racist remark about it. She also thought Mandy and I were 14 or 15. She obviously didn't get a tip. That aside, it was a great night.

(1. | get some) [03 Aug 2009|01:49am] [ mood | shocked ] I was sitting in my room, on my bed with KC just now. She and I talked about Nick for HOURS (literally) last night. So we're sitting in my room just 5ish minutes ago, and all of a sudden my light goes on, which had been off this entire time. I freaked a little, but I said "...Nick??" and started laughing, just feeling it must have been him. I started telling KC Nick must be pissed because I owe him 5 bucks and I lost his hat. I said "I'm sorry about your hat, the money, and EVERYTHING. Nick, I love you." and the light instantly went off. I must admit I'm freaked out but I know Nick will watch over me. NICK, I love you. You are the most beautiful person, such a pure heart and a good guy. ...as if that weren't enough, I just saw an orange butterfly and when I said Nick's name again, the light flickered.

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